just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
