took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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