I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
