My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
