FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
