im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The Olympian is in my bed
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
