I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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