oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize