jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Randomize
