I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
