Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
