my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
