Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
