I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
