sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
