do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
