I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i want to swaddle you in tequila
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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