Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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