Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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