Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Pappa wants mamma naked
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
