When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
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