I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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