how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
