I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
