Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
