If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
