I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize