I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
