i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
