I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
