I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
