He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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