i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
