dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
