Your tits are I can't wait for
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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