he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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