sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
