I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize