I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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