I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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