Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
