You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize