Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
