Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
