You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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