I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
