I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
