just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
