I want to have your abortion
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
