Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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