awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We talked him into tasing himself.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
be right there i have to get my cape
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
