im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
