i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
