i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
