He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
