I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
