I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
