did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Randomize