if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
