Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
