dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
