woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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