4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
