I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
