if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
