just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
