If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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