I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
