so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Houston, we have a blender
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
