Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
